Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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