She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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