I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
