I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
