Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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