You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
