i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
His nipple licking is glorious
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
