so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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