Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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