Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
