I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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