You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
