On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
