You really coming over, don't trick.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
