Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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