Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
