so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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