That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Houston, we have a blender
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
