I hope mine doesn't look like that
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
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