Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
