It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
