I'm so fucking centered right now
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i came on her dog
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
