I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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