Who did Billy Mays play for?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
