Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
