Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
