Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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