I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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