There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
