my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
