Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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