just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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