Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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