I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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