so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
