Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
