I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
