So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
