I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
