U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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