just tell him i said nine months
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
