I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
