Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
