i think i have two assholes
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This baby is an asshole
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
