you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
His hands were made for my vagina.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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