maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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