I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
