Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
