hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
