i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
