im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
