dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
