oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
