that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
two words: eviction party
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
